♥ Part of the Series 35 Lessons at 35 Years of Life

With a commitment for bite-sized + deliberate action today, tomorrow, and every day that I keep putting one foot in front of the other to create what I believe in.


Simply put, my identity has felt under attack.

Not in the personal struggle, owning my Truth kind of way. Instead by the very leaders who took an oath to protect my freedoms and uphold our vision of democracy as we respond to ever-changing culture. On Monday I shared this on social…

Today’s Truth 💔😶I am feeling worn down.Every day it seems there’s an attack.On my identity…On my body…On my mental health…These are the narratives currently circulating:I can be shot while Black.can be harassed, assaulted, or violated as a woman. ➡️Then add the reality that I am raising a girl who can trust her inner knowing, set boundaries, and own that she’s the only one to give consent over her body.And now, 45 and Mr. VP thinks hanging me for who I love is a joke. This Black Queer Mama + Wife is not laughing 🤷🏽‍♀️

While I refuse to play the game of self-doubt, I’m just owning how raw and vulnerable I feel today…how about you?! I’d love to know, so please do share 

In lovelution 💕

Via @mamajlove1

As I am writing this post, it’s first Friday as I draft and craft this chapter, (and then, Sunday as I finalize + edit) all in the same week. What’s clear as look in the rearview mirror of this past week and feel into the rawness and vulnerability I felt, it’s with the clarity of working through the muck and owning my experience with resistance, inner critic mixed a dose of holding myself back while simultaneously taking bite-sized + deliberate action to uplevel out of a scarcity model with my biz and how I show up to be of service in the world. It’s with this lens that I lead into a fresh perspective on nurturing identity.

Nurturing Identity: What do I mean?

Let’s begin with a definition of nurture…

(verb): care for and encourage the growth or development of

In Identity: Why the Focus? I define identity as

Who we are (how we show up in the world to ourselves and others) and how we are seen (who the world perceives us to be), as well as the experiences that result have an impact, often defining us.As an individual who has been on a journey of personal growth and discovery,

Identity is the lens that has helped me make sense of who I am and how I view the world. While I came to understand this more philosophically in college and more poignantly in graduate school, my lived reality exposed me to it much earlier. It’s a toss-up of which dimension I experienced first—race or gender; yet what is now clear is how I am seen in the world has greatly influenced my experience.In other words, identity is also a tool to reveal and unravel the stories we tell ourselves and one another.

Black Queer Mama + Wife Igniting Intentional Justice

First and foremost, this is how I see myself showing up to myself and the individuals and community I show up to and for, with and among, playing the dance of authenticity and mystery, public and private. Amongst all the ways this is how I define myself for to the world and to me.

How I experience the world within and around the playful intersection of being a Black queer woman, who is a mama to a nearly 3-year-old mixed-race girl co-parented with my wife who identifies as a white gender non-conforming queer mommy + wife.

While my wife and I have done the self-awareness work for various social justice, diversity, equity, inclusion, and cultural responsive efforts and initiatives, this is simply one lens of how we show up in the world. Amidst the dominant narrative that many of us are being called to help shift. This is where my professional identity statement comes in…

I am a Love Leader

It has taken the first half of my 30s to learn that we are the guardians of our soul, which I’ll be marinating on this week as I move into a full week of giving, supporting, loving, and leading. Walking the talk, resetting for the lovelution.

> hot tub + steam room: how is it that I’ve been a member on/off for nearly 12 years, and this was my first time being loved by the steamy haze 💨
✨🌈🙏All made possible with Tiny Waves swim time with Mommy

Via @mamajlove1

While this Sunday of rest for the lovelution is not always possible with our love for Sunday adventures. I was reminded that loving yourself the way you deserve looks like finding a family rhythm for practicing radical self-care as it was just what our individual + collectives souls needed 💕This is one example of bite-sized + deliberate action. One way I bring Justice into my daily life with Intentional. This is Mama J Soul Medicine in Full EFFECT! Leading with love in my life.

I Am Mamapreneur

I am also the leader of a biz. A mom boss. Turning passions into a dream that becomes a sustainable reality to meet the intersecting needs of my family, wife + daughter, and self. For me it also means juggling tuning my dream into a reality alongside working as a Data Goddess (aka Instructional Data Manager) from 9am – 4:30 pm M-Th with Fridays to focus on household needs/errands, biz tasks (planning, writing, promoting), and self-care.

Resetting for the Lovelution in the Everyday

Reflecting on how identity is and has been nurtured within myself over the last week, 3 years since becoming a mama, and in my lifetime boils down to finding ways to practice care, encouragement, and growth for myself. As a multi-passionate human, caring for ourselves (aka self-care) can often be the last thing I check off my endless list, despite there being plenty of 5minute or less restorative practices I do throughout the day. The Truth is what it takes is bite-sized + deliberate restorative practices that prioritizes caring for ourselves without the guilt or shame of the endless to-do list.

For this Love Leader, I am choosing to lead with my identity front and center. This means nurturing all the ways I show up and want to be seen because identity is nurtured. And, it’s taken 35 years to name this as so.  This includes falling silent on some days or what I am framing as the practice of…

💕 Resetting for the Lovelution 💕Turning in…

Integrating the week’s lessons + breakthroughs…

Staying in your pjs until 1pm…

Giving love to yourself, your family, and the house that’s become your sanctuary 🏡While in hindsight it can feel like magic, I find that it can often feel like a struggle in the moment. An tug ‘o’war that’s calling for doing more when doing less is what’s needed to progress 👣This said, consider this my heartfelt reminder to us all that just like our phones and computers, we too need a weekly reset at the very least.

And, I invite you to do the same 💕Nurturing My Identity

It’s time that I name and claim it. Nurturing my identity as I continue to stand in my Truth to do so.

So, who I am?

I am a girl loves the water, it calls me (Yes, I’m taking the opportunity to reference Moana! and share a previous lesson). In all seriousness though…

I am a 35 year old Black Queer Mama + Wife Igniting Intentional Justice

I am a Love Leader + Mamperneur embracing the juggle of Data Goodess & Organizational Leader while building a life of Intentional Justice as a strategist, coach, and writer.

I am also much more…

This is what’s unfolding as I write the book of my dreams with weekly posts that act as chapter of book: Lovelution–A Journey to Self: One Seeker’s Guide to Intentional JusticeIntentional Justice™ in Your Life

Now it’s your turn, as I now invite YOU to consider:

What bite-sized + deliberate action will YOU take in your life today or the week ahead to reset for the Lovelution?

How are you + your loved ones practicing radical self-care?!

👇 Share your intention for today or the week ahead 👇It’s one way YOU can take bite-size + deliberate action TODAY 👣✨🌈In lovelution 💕Wanna Join the Lovelution?!

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Lovelution: A Journey to Self ♥ is a memoir being written week-by-week as I take bite-sized + deliberate action each Tuesday toward my writing dreams as I reflect on my journey of using love + intention to create the life I dream and deserve.

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