This is part of the series 35 Lessons at 35 Years of Life.
First, first comes love. Then comes marriage.
Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.
Anyone else sing this ditty as a girl? I most definitely did. However, what’s SO clear now is that my happily ever after would veer from what was hoped or expected for I.
Instead of a prince, I would find my non-dress-wearing, gender non-conforming princess to love. More of a delicate flower grounded with strong roots. My very own cherry blossom tree.
In fact, that’s where she proposed on a spring day in D.C. under our very own cherry blossom tree. Ironically (or serendipitously) to the West, where we’ve planted our roots, of the Washington Monument amidst the world-renowned Cherry Blossom Festival.
I had an inkling all day. The woman who couldn’t sit still on the lookout for the perfect place to sit. Well, knell post rap. Yep, she proposed to her on beat solidifying she was my one.
Before our first marriage, the non-legal binding one in July 2011, I would question that love. Not hers of I. Instead the love for myself and how willing I would be up to the challenge to tackle and heal the darkness of my soul. Because with light, darkness is sure to fall. Mine just before “I do.” Or in our case…
I do…it because it’s the least I can do.
I do…it because I learned it from you.
I do…it because I want to.
This our final vow. A shoutout to our righteous babe love pulled from lyrics of Ani DiFranco’s Joyful Girl to conclude our personalized vows to one another.
While I’ll save the details of the darkness for another day because, in the end, this was not my defining moment but instead my invitation to rise from the ash I had created. Resulting from the unintended consequences of the unhealthy and toxic love I had experienced as the observer of a dysfunctional marriage. All this to highlight…
Love saved me. Love change me. Love made my family possible.
The legality of our marriage (Thanks, SCOTUS just 4 years ago—June 26, 2013!) adding to our rights yet not our commitment. Because I never imagined it would be legal again.
With marriage equality obtained, opening the doors to our next chapter, the dream of the baby in the baby carriage. Aka, really an opportunity to learn all that had been skipped in sex ed when being taught about my body. Unfolding the secret that would lead to the 10-20 percent chance of conceiving.
So, when I chant the call: What makes a family?
And respond with, Love makes a family.
I know in every cell in my body that no truer words were spoken because love my dream possible…
Love for my Truth
Love for wanting more
Love for making changes
Love for believing in the love of another
Love for dreaming the impossible
Love for trusting the process
Love for my family.
No matter how your family is formed. Love is the driving force to building your tribe. Find your peeps and create your own lovelution!
This is my Tribe. My clan. My family.
Our mixed-race two-mama Queer family made with love and intention 💕 #IntentionalJustice
I’d love to hear in the comments, what makes your family unique?
💋 mama j