Category: Take Action Tuesday (page 2 of 3)

Lesson 2: Love Makes a Family 🌈

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This is part of the series 35 Lessons at 35 Years of Life.


First, first comes love. Then comes marriage.

Then comes the baby in the baby carriage.


Anyone else sing this ditty as a girl? I most definitely did. However, what’s SO clear now is that my happily ever after would veer from what was hoped or expected for I.

Instead of a prince, I would find my non-dress-wearing, gender non-conforming princess to love. More of a delicate flower grounded with strong roots. My very own cherry blossom tree.

In fact, that’s where she proposed on a spring day in D.C. under our very own cherry blossom tree. Ironically (or serendipitously) to the West, where we’ve planted our roots, of the Washington Monument amidst the world-renowned Cherry Blossom Festival. 

Although Steph didn’t get down on one knee (thank goodness!), she thought it would be funny to do so after the fact 😉

I had an inkling all day. The woman who couldn’t sit still on the lookout for the perfect place to sit. Well, knell post rap. Yep, she proposed to her on beat solidifying she was my one.

Before our first marriage, the non-legal binding one in July 2011, I would question that love. Not hers of I. Instead the love for myself and how willing I would be up to the challenge to tackle and heal the darkness of my soul. Because with light, darkness is sure to fall. Mine just before “I do.” Or in our case…

I do…it because it’s the least I can do.

I do…it because I learned it from you.

I do…it because I want to.

This our final vow. A shoutout to our righteous babe love pulled from lyrics of Ani DiFranco’s Joyful Girl to conclude our personalized vows to one another. 

Joyfully United | July 3, 2011 Photo Credit: Cara Gardner

While I’ll save the details of the darkness for another day because, in the end, this was not my defining moment but instead my invitation to rise from the ash I had created. Resulting from the unintended consequences of the unhealthy and toxic love I had experienced as the observer of a dysfunctional marriage. All this to highlight…

Love saved me. Love change me. Love made my family possible.

The legality of our marriage (Thanks, SCOTUS just 4 years ago—June 26, 2013!) adding to our rights yet not our commitment. Because I never imagined it would be legal again.

With marriage equality obtained, opening the doors to our next chapter, the dream of the baby in the baby carriage. Aka, really an opportunity to learn all that had been skipped in sex ed when being taught about my body. Unfolding the secret that would lead to the 10-20 percent chance of conceiving.

So, when I chant the call: What makes a family?

And respond with, Love makes a family.

I know in every cell in my body that no truer words were spoken because love my dream possible…

Love for my Truth

Love for wanting more

Love for making changes

Love for believing in the love of another

Love for dreaming the impossible

Love for trusting the process

Love for my family.

No matter how your family is formed. Love is the driving force to building your tribe. Find your peeps and create your own lovelution!

This is my Tribe. My clan. My family.

🌈✨The Roth’s | Camping, Camping, Camping ⛺️

Our mixed-race two-mama Queer family made with love and intention 💕 #IntentionalJustice


I’d love to hear in the comments, what makes your family unique?

In lovelution…

💋 mama j

Lesson 1: Start Where You Are…

What’s one bite-sized action can you take today? 

What can YOU do to shift what’s not working? 

What advice would you give your 25 year old self?

These are the questions I have been pondering since culling this lesson in reflection of 35 Lessons at 35 Years of Life. The blog post that started as a birthday reflection and expanded to my own personal writing challenge and outline for my next 35 posts as I shed light on Mama J’s path of Intentional Justice™ one Tuesday at a time…

Now back to those questions, if I’m to start with the later, this is what I would say to a 25-year-old Jillian…

Advice to My 25-Year-Old Self

You already know who you are.

Enjoy the journey because you’re simply gaining the Truths for you!

Your love is limitless.

First, though you must learn to trust + surrender.

How to show up and ride YOUR wave.

You do NOT need another degree or more school.

Being in the trenches is where the work happens.

The growth. The resistance. Unearthing your TRUTH.

The journey has really just begun. What came before was merely preparation for life’s test of how bad do you want the dream.

Oh, and lay off the credit cards, it can wait! As Danielle LaPorte confirmed, when asked the same question at White Hot Truth – SF on Friday, June 19th at Grace Cathedral.

Making Shifts to Create Waves

The biz I launched 5 years ago when I turned 30 is not the one I am focused on now. From Jillybeads 4 Justice to Mama J Love Consulting, each tweak, twist, and turn on the path has created a ripple effect that leaves me in awe of what’s possible with changing your beliefs, doing the less sexy work of healing the inner girl that knows she’s only just began to show the world what she brings leaving a legacy for her daughter to build upon.

To do so, I believe in ripping off the band-aid and starting with 2 tough questions:

  1. What’s not working?
  2. What can I do to shift this?

Here’s an example I found while letting go of some Jillybeads materials over the weekend…

A reminder of how far I’ve come and the work that continues to claim my mamapreneur status and all I dream about. 5 years ago I was focused on getting my original jewelry into the world (aka selling it beyond friends and family) while supporting the organizations I care about the most at the local, national, and international level. This the essence of my then business–Jillybeads 4 Justice. Fast forward to now, the biz I’m running has evolved into a consulting firm that has been under construction (aka trial and error) since my last formal job/position ended as an educational researcher at the beginning of my third trimester in September 2014. This life change radically shifted my mindset on the brink of a second life change, becoming a mama.

While many lose themselves in motherhood, I ultimately, found myself in the process. 

These lessons and the stories it will unearth is the beginning of telling this story.

Creating Intentional Justice

By asking myself those 2 tough questions then and now, I can illuminate known data to inform my decisions and move forward with integrity. In other words, what’s one bite-sized + deliberate action you (or I) can take today? Tomorrow? Every day?

This question is the heart of Intentional Justice™

While answering this question for myself, I jotted some intentions for the week ahead, this summer (what I’ve dubbed #LovelutionSummer17), and by the start of 2018, I kept it down to 5 goals / intentions are less.

Why? Because if you can break your desire, goal, or intention into multiple steps then it’s likely too big. Start small. Easier said than done. I know because the dreamer in I longs for more in less time, which can and does lead to tying to do too many things in an unrealistic timeframe. That said, I’m still on this journey with you to refine and get better with bite-sized and deliberate daily action.

What does bite-sized look like in an area of our life? I immediately go to food, so let’s think about this together. One bite of pizza instead of the whole slice. A mini bowl of ice cream instead of the entire pint. Giving your loved one the last bite, you know the best bite you’ve been saving for yourself. Now let’s apply this to your life.

Take 5 minutes now (or after you finish reading this post) to “dreamstorm” all the ways you’d like to take action (aka do something for good) to feel Love, Justice, and Freedom in your life today, next week, or the next 3-6 months?

I highly recommend setting a timer either on your phone if you’re on the go or on the stove if you’re at home. Allow yourself to truly dream without holding yourself back. At the end of time, notice how much more time you could use to finish writing what has surfaced and add that to the clock to finish your Dreamstorm of Action.

Now use this list to pick your Top 3 or Top 5 max that you will focus on in the coming days, weeks, and months to come. This is what I’ll be doing to start where I am. Will you join me?

If so, tell me in the comments what step you’ll be taking. Plus, if you’d like more lessons like these to join the tribe of Justice Warriors + Revolutionary Seekers below…

35 Lessons at 35 Years of Life

35 Years Around the Sun

On Friday, June 9th, the day la Luna was at her fullest, I completed my 35th orbit around the sun. However, I felt the shift begin the Monday preceding my 35th rotation. As I reflect on my last year of life, this particular birthday feels significant. Not only am I now 35, but I am also celebrating 5 years of stepping out on a path of entrepreneurship.

When I turned 30 I launched my first biz—Jillybeads 4 Justice—to pursue my passion for jewelry-making and justice. It was the result of wanting to take a leap in owning the reality that I too, like the organizations I had been employed by, needed to diversify my income streams. To say it has been a journey would be an understatement, more like a rollercoaster with all it’s twist and turns and moments of hanging by a thread.

With this perspective, I can more clearly see now that my professional path has been one of continued learning and self-discovery to embrace the intersections of my multi-passion spirit and zones of genius as a love leader, equity + inclusion consultant, and data goddess focused on a mission, vision, and Mama Mindset Mantra for each of us to Love Yourself like a Mother! with Intentional Justice™ ♥

As such, I feel clarity. I feel expansive. I feel generous. The result…

35 Lessons @ 35

On a quest to write my first book, I have been dreaming off the various ways to tell my story knowing that there’s  teachable lessons in everything we experience. Let’s begin in no particular order or connection to the number:

  1. Start Where You Are
  2. Love Makes a Family
  3. Freedom is a Moving Target
  4. The Water Calls Me
  5. Create What YOU Believe In
  6. Asking, “How do you want to feel?” Changed EVERYTHING
  7. Be Your Own Oxygen Mask
  8. Busy & Balance is Bullshit
  9. Everything is Intersectional
  10. There is Always Something to Learn
  11. Change Begins with Your Beliefs
  12. Replicating the Behavior You Dislike Gets You Nowhere
  13. It’s a Journey, not a Race
  14. Those Who Know You, Know When You Need Them
  15. Coming Out is NOT simply a One Time Event
  16. Identity is Nurtured
  17. You are the Guardian / Mama of Your Soul
  18. The “Woo” Lights the Path to My Intuition
  19. Sometimes Sleep is the Best Reset
  20. Ride the Wave: Trust & Surrender
  21. The Dysfunction of Your Family Does Not Define You
  22. Find Your Soul Medicine
  23. Learn Your Cycle Synchronicity
  24. Persistence is My Superpower
  25. Pleasure Increases with Intimacy
  26. Presence is the Best Present
  27. The Path is a Series of Detours
  28. Only You Know Your Truth
  29. If You Don’t Have Cash to Pay for It, Then You Really Don’t Need It
  30. When You Feel Out of Control, Simply Step Away
  31. As a Woman, Knowing When You Ovulate is the Secret to Life Itself
  32. Affirmation is My Love Language
  33. No One Can Heal You, You Can Only Heal Yourself
  34. Let Love Transform You
  35. Be YOU!

In creating this list of lessons, I realized how much I could write on each one with stories that connect to my past and illuminate action for continued progress. As such, I have decided to expand on each lesson over the next 35 weeks. Providing just the outline I need for…

My Commitment to My Writing Dreams

I can already feel the fierceness rising up as I embark on the next year of life, so I am starting a new weekly practice that involves two of my favorite things writing and action. Because I have personally committed to spending the summer to write my book proposal, which includes 1-2 sample chapters, it’s time that I recommit to more writing time. As such, I will be posting a new blog every Tuesday, which will likely take on many formats: photo collages, video, audio, and downloadable worksheets.

Today, Tuesday, June 13th, marks Week #1 with a new post each week resulting in 52 essays by end of my 35th year of life on Tuesday, June. As I mentioned above, the first 35 posts will expand on each lesson learned with a story or reflection on the past to illuminate desired action for continued progress.

Without further ado, Welcome 2 Take Action Tuesday, where I share more the why behind the revised blog vision.

What do YOU think? What would YOU like to know? Tell me below in the comments

In lovelution…

💋 mama j

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