♥ Part of the Series 35 Lessons at 35 Years of Life ♥
With a commitment for bite-sized + deliberate action today, tomorrow, and every day that I keep putting one foot in front of the other to create what I believe in.
♥ ♥ ♥
Have you ever considered that you are your soul’s keeper?
The holder of your essence, the magic composition that is you.
The one who can open you up to your uniquely you inner knowing.
The one you can depend on, who will hold your heart on the darkest nights.
The one who can teach you, how to walk your own path.
The guardian of your soul.
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As I shared in Lesson 10: Identity is Nurtured, it has taken the first half of my 30s to learn that we/I am the guardian of my soul. To learn this lesson, it was my job and mine alone. In fact, it’s each of our jobs to learn how to love ourselves. No one else’s.
While most of us can say, or at least we hope, came into the world loved, we often spend a lifetime journeying home to what’s been inside of us all along. This is to say regardless of our experience with love as a child, it’s our job to uncover for ourselves what makes us tick, what makes us whole, and how we can love, nurture, and accept who we are from the inside out.
To choose to lead with our identity front and center. Yet, first, this needed to happen (or least it did for I)…
Step 1: Name Your Inner Critic
The very first business workshop I attended was when I learned of the concept that we each have an inner critic. The voice (or choir, which is often the case) that calls for perfection to meeting others expectations, as well as our own and pushes our buttons like only someone who knows you best can.
That’s why I think it’s essential that to love ourselves the way we dream and deserve that we must first name the voice of perfection that’s being that gossipy group of critics. Your personal panel of pundits. A representative caucus of all the commentators, backseat drivers, and judges that tap into your fear and countless rejection you’ve experienced in your lifetime.
Yolanda was my first named critic, Yo-Yo for short because that’s how she makes me feel. There’s a lot I could say about her, like any dear friend in terms of the good, bad and ugly. I’ll focus on the good, right now. Yo-Yo is currently on vacay. Yep, you read that right. Her antics got so out of control that I informed her that I would buy her a one-way airplane ticket to anywhere in the world. This permission slip for my soul made it easy to then move to…
Step 2: Self-Compassion is an Act of Self-Love
In my own journey of learning to love myself, I can recall countless times when I allowed my inner critic, Yo-Yo to be my decision-maker. As Adichie shares in her new book, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, “‘Allow’ is a troubling word. ‘Allow’ is about power.” That said, I can clearly see now because hindsight is 20/20, right?
I had given Yo-Yo permission to take the wheel. With Yo-Yo in the driver’s seat, I then found myself striving for perfection, someone else’s way, or being harder on myself than those who love me most would EVER be. In January 2013, when I began exploring how I wanted to feel instead of creating more lists of what I wanted to accomplish, compassion was one of the many words that I explored.
What began as an experience of feeling “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it,” which makes sense I am an ENFJ, “The Giver,” soon became a dance of doing so for myself, for my heart, for the 3-year-old inside of me as I watch my own almost 3-year-old daughter. This is why I believe self-compassion is an act of love. Because I needed to learn how to give this to myself like I have for all those I love.
Step 3: Self-Care is a MUST (especially when healing)
In my early 20s, I believed self-care was pampering. A massage, mani/pedi, or facial. You know, a spa day?
My relationship to self-care began when my wife and I marked the beginning of our family conception journey. It began with acupuncture to aid with my intense periods with a dream to slowly and methodically decrease my bipolar medication because one thing was for certain–I did not want that medicine in my body when I conceived. This simple act to try something new led to my first commitment to my own personal dose of…
Soul Medicine: an act or experience that feeds your soul to be present with your essence and inner knowing
Because as Audre Lorde reminds us…
Radical Self-Care is Justice
When I was reminded of this quote for one of my favorite writers, I exclaimed a big Hell YES! This!
Just a reminder I needed that a daily dose of self-preservation is a MUST! radical Act is no more than bite-sized + deliberate daily action towards the life you dream and deserve.
Now, I recognize that “It’s a Journey, Not a Race” that “Identity is Nurtured” as I’ve embraced the reality that “Coming Out is Not a One Time Event.” As a result of my own journey to Love Myself like a Mother! with Intentional Justice™ this is why I have created this…
Mama J’s Top 5 Restorative Practices: In 5 Minutes or Less…
This is the type of soul medicine that gives YOU permission to be the mama of your soul in our ever-changing 24-hour news and notification cycle. I invite you to try 1 or all 5 in the week ahead to restore andLove Myself like a Mother! with Intentional Justice™
Intentional Justice™ in Your Life
Now it’s your turn, as I now invite YOU to consider:
- What wave are you riding on your journey of self-love?
- How do you practice radical self-care?
- Which 5 minute or less restorative practice will you try?
👇 Share your intention for today or the week ahead 👇
It’s one way YOU can take bite-size + deliberate action TODAY 👣✨🌈
In lovelution 💕
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