Everyday Activism: Love & Intention
I had the pleasure joining Mercedes Samudio, LCSW on her virtual couch as we talk about family, parenting and Intentional Justice™
We dive right in to discuss what it means to be an activist today….and what it means to bring this activism into the family.
⇓ Watch the episode below ⇓
Transcript Courtesy of Shame Proof Parenting
Roth believes work begins with one’s self and expands outward. It’s a continuous process. She explains that in her journey to becoming a mother, and being a queer family, she had to go a nontraditional route. Her identity was central to that. She and her wife chose an anonymous donor whose identity will be released to their daughter when she turns 18. This was important to them because they didn’t want to take away that part of who she is. They have had conversations with their daughter about being a two-mom family and discussed what the difference looks like compared to other families so she can discuss it herself. Roth feels that the best way we can love and honor ourselves is knowing who we are. We next discuss how one can be an activist in her community on top of the demands of being being a parent. Roth explains that if it feels like a struggle, you can make it a long-term goal, and suggests tapping into what your heart is telling you-you want to do at this time. Creativity flourishes in despair, and we can choose how we want to show up. She suggests thinking about what it is you want for your family. If you want more intentional conversations about culture and community, bring it into the home. Roth suggests books as a way to do this.
For over a decade, Roth has been engaged in social justice work, and she reached a point where it felt like a grind and wondered at what point she would get to celebrate something that felt like justice. She feels that there is justice in setting a goal or intention and moving toward it. Her background is in sports psychology, so she really relates to setting a goal. Roth defines Intentional Justice™ as bite-size +deliberate daily action. This means you take baby steps to get closer to your goal.
We shift into discussing how privilege can be a barrier to Intentional Justice™. Privilege can help or hinder attempts for Intentional Justice™. Roth advises that there doesn’t need to be shame around it–-own your story and know where you stand. It doesn’t make you a bad person. She poses the question of if you raise your consciousness and you know something can be different, will you choose to be different or settle and let it serve you?
Next, we talked about how you can model Intentional Justice™ for children. Roth suggests going through an exercise that you can sign up for through her website called the Intentional Justice™ Identity Table. She recommends having the parent or professional do it themselves first, and then as you get comfortable with your own identity, you can expand into a family identity. It is appropriate for approximately fifth grade and up. She feels that by this age you have a sense of who you are and how you want to show up to your classmates.
Finally, we discuss how to maintain Intentional Justice™ when people in your support circle don’t understand your viewpoints or how to accept or respect your perspective. Roth doesn’t feel like an expert. She has had to make difficult choices and is currently not speaking to a few family members as a result of having to claim where she stands. Roth gets support from a couple’s therapist, a support network of mentors, “besties”, and her tribe. She explains that she can’t expect her wife, bestie, or other parents to show up at drop of a hat, though, and advises that you have to also love yourself like a mother. It’s important to have a community but there are moments you’re by yourself, which can be empowering. Intentional Justice™ doesn’t always mean you have to agree and stay around people who only agree with you and respect you. Going through your own journey helps you turn the injustices into moments that are opportunities for learning, healing and growing. It’s an upward spiral–as you get to know yourself, you may have some breakthroughs but the work does not end.
Thank Mercedes for the opportunity to chat with you!
Now let me share more about Shame Proof Parenting…
What is Shame-Proof Parenting?
When you’re led by shame-proof parenting, your family will understand each other enough that when people come against you, you won’t buckle under the pressure and you won’t turn on each other. You and your family can feel confident in saying, “This is our journey, this is where we are right now,” without worrying about others’ judgments.
~ Mercedes Samudio, LCSW
Mercedes is on a mission to #EndParentShaming and I accept! Will you join me?
In the Award-Winning, Amazon Bestselling book, Shame-Proof Parenting: Find your unique parenting voice, feel empowered, and raise whole, healthy children, Mercedes bravely and vulnerably shares opens the book by sharing her story to highlight the impact intergenerational shame has on our lives both as children and parents. Then with compassionate bite-sized + deliberate action, you are walked through 5 Ways Parents Recreate Shame for Their Children, which since has provided this mama with a powerful lens for Intentional Justice™ in my own life.
In an easy to read format, Mercedes guides us in unraveling the parenting style gimmick and the trap of the Dr. Parenting Expert with a first-class permission slip to choose our own adventure as parents by creating our own elusive parenting manual. I appreciate the thoughtful approach to talk about the underlying issues that stop the process of shame-proofing. I appreciate the thoughtful approach to talk about the underlying issues that stop the process of shame-proofing before diving into the how-to of bringing shame-proof parenting into our lives. Plus, there’s an entire chapter on the Shame-Proof Emergency Kit and our need for Shame-Proof Village. I love, love, love that Mercedes doesn’t shy away from addressing the gender divide with this inclusive intro…
For the purposes of this book, we are looking at gender as both biological gender classifications and how you identify your own gender.
The book wrap with a chapter on “Bursting The Shame-Proof Parenting Bubble,” which further highlights cultural influences as the most important aspect of shame-proofing parenting and protecting families from shame. In this section, I appreciate the simple yet practical paragraph on Gender Identity/Sexual Orientation. All this is to say that I felt included and seen in this book as a queer mama.
As I wrap my review of this book, I’ll share that my favorite part was the timely quotes sprinkled throughout. My favorite is how the book ends with Mercedes own words of wisdom…
Being wholly, authentically human is a lifelong journey that no one ever truly masters. Give yourself space to be imperfect, and make a commitment to shame-proof your parenting identity so that you can give that same space to your children.
Intentional Justice™ in Your Life
Now, it’s your turn. I invite YOU to consider:
- Where could you give yourself to be imperfect?
- Will you join me to #EndParentShaming ?
- How has shame had an impact on your life?
👇Please share your thoughts below in the comments 👇
It’s one way YOU can take bite-size + deliberate action TODAY!
In lovelution 💕